Monday, March 8, 2010

A 21 Day Re-Cap

hi. its been a long time. i've been hiding in my thoughts, and hiding them from any one who might be reading. but here we go.

three weeks and two days ago Cristie and i began a 21 day fast. we chose the daniel fast. we fasted for LOTS of reasons. ask her about hers some time, but i'll share mine.

1. my eating habits were W-A-Y out of control. beside weight gain and clothing not fitting correctly, i felt bad and just flat out didn't care. i am unable to "diet" without cheating, so i choose fasting to set my eating back on track. because most of the time, the reason my eating is way off track, is because my heart and mind are as well.

2. direction. i think we're all looking for that. but for me, i needed to know if where i was and where i spent everyday pouring myself into was the right place, or was God calling me else where. and if He told me to stay, then He was going to have to change things. yes. i know. i put conditions on God. and fyi, my plan isn't His. it just doesn't work that way. He is calling me else where, but not in my physical location, but in my desires, my ability and my heart for the church. (this one is on-going, i'll write more later. promise)

3. i wanted to set aside some time here at the almost-beginning-of-the-year and just focus more on Him and deepen my relationship with my Saviour. what i found here (and really, i could write for days about this one) is that i have allowed the pressures of every day, and getting things done, and be this, and go there, and join that, and hey - do want to go out tonight, and give more and change that video here, and i'm not sure i like that font, and be apart of my family that i love dearly and they are my favorite people in the world and my best friends, and....take a deep breath....

well, in the midst of all that i allow to be pressures in my life and all the places i do choose to spend my time, i forget the One who releases the pressure, takes on the pressure, and set Him aside saying, "later, i'll find time for You later." and i found the my relationship with HIM has ceased. yes me. i have been functioning in my own strength, my own power and my own mind. duh. no wonder i'm so tired and scattered all the time. DUH! no wonder i forget what some one told me five minutes ago, and no wonder my art is lacking and no wonder my creativity is missing. i find all those things IN HIM. He gave them to me, and if i put Him aside and moved on without Him, how was He to continue to instill those things in me.

so along with #3, the Lord used lots of people to remind me how much HE missed me. like this one: You have ravished His heart and He spins wildly with delight when He thinks about you.

or when Austin writes worship songs on the living room floor.

or when Cristie is running projection and worships whole-heartedly, despite who's watching, what she's doing and who can hear. she worships Him.

or when Kylie sees me every time in the hallway or any where, she runs up to me yelling "sissy!". no matter whats going on around her, or what mood i'm in, or who she's with. i know she loves me. it reminds me of the Lord, and in this situation, of the prodigal son.

HE has missed my worship, He has missed my unashamed love and worship to Him, and He's missed me running into His arms.

my soul craveth Him.

4. {this one is something i wasn't looking for, but am abundantly blessed for its fruition}. i must be favored to have found the Campbells. for lots of reasons that blogspot doesn't have time and space for me to write about. but in this case, i'll tell you this. i gained a friend. my best friend in the whole wide world, the one i know i can trust with anything, the one i serve, the one i love, the one who knows me better than i know myself, and can read me like a book. the one who LOVES me unconditionally. the one i can tell anything to. the one who sits on the kitchen floor and eats cheesecake with me, and the one who cries with me.

i gained a best friend. its pretty cool to say. the kind you go to Claire's and buy bf necklaces with. yup, that kind. i love you Cristie Noel Campbell. may the Lord allow me to serve you all the days of my life. its an honor. i love you completely.

ok. that's all i have to say for now. the Lord is working and moving in me. my soul craves more of Him. so, that's where i'm heading, to be with Him.

peace and love.

ps - here's a photo i had the privilege to take of Austin. i'm so proud of you. i love you man of God.

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