Thursday, January 3, 2013


(i wrote this on an airplane.  last october.  i found it in my e-mail today and decided to share)

amongst all the change in my life , i am also learning to deal  differently. to not run to people every time i have a situation or am feeling slightly emotional. deal - whats going on in my brain and how i respond. 

today i got to the airport a little early, so i thought i'd just chill.  as soon as i got there, i noticed that there were hundreds people in every line, everywhere i turned. i couldnt escape the yelling, the kids screaming, the intercom voices, the newlyweds snuggling with their lady-and-the-tramp pillows, conversation after jumbled conversation.  and after being confined to a 4 x3 space for 4 days, my irritation level was maxed. the claustrophobic in me had all it could handle.  and there was no where to go.  

i will be honest and tell you that i was having a panic attack. 

i didnt want to call anyone. there was no one there to talk to. this was a test. a test of, "who do i turn to." 
who would be the first one i turned to
what had i really learned the last two weeks
[and then i saw larry king live himself, and had to snap a picture ;)  squirrel!]
i knew in my heart the only One who could help me in this situation. i called on Him.  i started talking to Him. telling Him i didnt know why i was freaking out, but i wanted to control it, but obviously i couldnt do it alone.  i felt guilty for being in this place. for evening thinking of people i could call and talk to about this.... 
and then i opened Jesus Calling to today's devotion, and there was my answer. written randomly for today. 

there's intimacy in my failures. 

think about it. 

there's intimacy in your failures.  they force me to commune with Him

so He picked me up and we had a sweet moment together. reminding me i'm not to fight this alone. and in this time, and every time, He is all i need. 

He is all i need. 

and at the end of the day, whatever super-extreme- circumstance i think is going on, when i turn to Him immediately, the situation loses value and is less extreme. there's no room for making it something bigger than it is. 

He is bigger than "it" is every time. 


repentance is freedom