"You're not meeting our standards..."

recently...ok, let's be real - may 7th, around 1:45 PM, i was fired.  GASP!  i know.  the reason: "you're not meeting our standards."  i was in shock.  i sat there, letting anger rise within me, thinking i have:
    - out worked
    - out served
    - out sweated
    - bled
    - cried
    - stayed up 'till all hours of the night just to get the job done

and you're letting ME go?!?!?  i really thought all of it was a joke. and when i realized it wasn't, i choked back tears,  ran from the building and have been throwing myself a HUGE pity-party ever since.

fast forward to july 5.  after an afternoon with my bosom buddy & dear friend, and an evening of prophetic ministry in our home, the Lord has begun i've allowed the Lord to begin working in me, show me a new direction, and i've opened my ears to His voice. sometimes you me we just need to hear ourselves talk out loud to realize how ridiculous we've allowed ourselves to become and for change to begin.  thank the Lord for july 5.

all that to say, remember my title? well today's whisper came in just the same wording but about my spiritual life.  while i believe and put my faith in Him, my way of living for Him and the standard to as to which i hold my life to, is not up to the standard He's called me to live.  and there's no pity party to be had here, i just have quite a bit  of work to do.

i desire to live His plan for me, not anyone else's idea of what that means or even my own.

so i'm getting to work. and good news THE PITY PARTY IS O-V-E-R!

--------------------------------

also, this message by Charlotte Gambill is fantastic.  it's a simple truth that we all need reminding of.  i took quite a bit away from it.  however, the statement that brought the most conviction and caused my eyes to open was this one,
"don't be so busy you don't have time to be who God has called you to be."<---------- guilty="" p="">
http://www.milestonechurch.com/media/message-archive/series/62/

dealing

(i wrote this on an airplane.  last october.  i found it in my e-mail today and decided to share)


amongst all the change in my life , i am also learning to deal  differently. to not run to people every time i have a situation or am feeling slightly emotional. deal - whats going on in my brain and how i respond. 

today i got to the airport a little early, so i thought i'd just chill.  as soon as i got there, i noticed that there were hundreds people in every line, everywhere i turned. i couldnt escape the yelling, the kids screaming, the intercom voices, the newlyweds snuggling with their lady-and-the-tramp pillows, conversation after jumbled conversation.  and after being confined to a 4 x3 space for 4 days, my irritation level was maxed. the claustrophobic in me had all it could handle.  and there was no where to go.  

i will be honest and tell you that i was having a panic attack. 

i didnt want to call anyone. there was no one there to talk to. this was a test. a test of, "who do i turn to." 
who would be the first one i turned to
what had i really learned the last two weeks
[and then i saw larry king live himself, and had to snap a picture ;)  squirrel!]
i knew in my heart the only One who could help me in this situation. i called on Him.  i started talking to Him. telling Him i didnt know why i was freaking out, but i wanted to control it, but obviously i couldnt do it alone.  i felt guilty for being in this place. for evening thinking of people i could call and talk to about this.... 
and then i opened Jesus Calling to today's devotion, and there was my answer. written randomly for today. 

there's intimacy in my failures. 

think about it. 

there's intimacy in your failures.  they force me to commune with Him

so He picked me up and we had a sweet moment together. reminding me i'm not to fight this alone. and in this time, and every time, He is all i need. 

He is all i need. 

and at the end of the day, whatever super-extreme- circumstance i think is going on, when i turn to Him immediately, the situation loses value and is less extreme. there's no room for making it something bigger than it is. 

He is bigger than "it" is every time. 

bam. 

repentance is freedom 

this time of year - hush

i'm not sure what it is about this time of year that causes me to want to share my thoughts with the world of the web, and this post is kind of all over the place.  i'll get more specific soon, but never the less...

this is my second attempt at this post.  and to think that i could even possibly get the last 7 months down  or explained would be silly.  the work that God has been doing in me is deep, far from over, incredible, and...

painfully necessary.

i think as we go about our daily lives and circumstances we plant roots in places of our soul that roots were never meant to be.  the roots become so entangled in the compartments we try to keep organized, that the foundation eventually crumbles.  and ripping out of the roots is work.  real work.

and hello that's me.

i hadn't realized the unhealthy deep, deep binding roots of relationships i was or had been in, and how my past - and my every day decisions - were affecting me.

i am learning to slow my mind down. i have had to end some relationships, put some on hold, re-evaluate others.  i have wept for forgiveness.  i have struggled to make it through some days.  i have been lonely and at times very afraid.  the process has made me angry.  i have begged for His Presence to surround me. i've been disappointed and sad. and i've hurt.

but.

but.

but.

He has come through. He has forgiven me.  He has provided.  He has been the Light unto my path.  He's given even more grace. He hushed me so i could hear Him.  He doesn't often yell to get our attention.  i think He whispers in our ear and we're too busy being loud that we won't hear what He's saying.  Sarah Young writes in Jesus Calling, "Quietness is the classroom where you learn to hear [His] voice."

and this is my main point for telling you all of this:  hush.

He is going to do His best work in us when we're still and quiet enough to hear what compartments to clean out.  and when He tells us to take the axe to something, we won't miss the blessing of being free.  and freedom is bliss.  bliss my friends.

BE. FREE.

to all you lovers out there...

we've all seen movies about people who meet, fall in love,  and distance separates them, and two people give all they have to find each other.  or the movies where it's love at first site, or.....

books.  that captivate their reader for hours on end.

whatever, you know what i mean.

we all have some sort of love story.  whether it be finding a new friend, our family, having kids, or finding your husband/wife.  

in light of the Christmas season, i have a question for you.  how far would you go for love?  to find it, receive it, rescue it?  

the Father gave His only Son.  in my opinion, the giving of His Son was not just a gift, but a love story too.   

so, how far would go?  i'd love to hear your story.

indiana is for pinterester's

hi friends.  i'm sitting in starbucks again...i've been here 6.25 hours thus far.  i have never spent so much time in a starbucks in ALL my life (please exclude the time in my life when i was an employee, and all this starbucks talk will make more sense later.  keep reading).

anyway.

yesterday, kristin didn't have to work, so we spent the day together.  i took her to lunch at The Tin Lizzie.  she had never heard of it, which i couldn't believe, so that's where we headed.  it was a rainy day, so a warm sandwich and a cup of soup was perfect.  isn't she extraordinary?

after lunch we headed to centerville, indiana to an antique mall.  now, let me be honest, i didn't have much hope for this place.  centerville is much smaller than richmond and in the middle of NO WHERE!  i thought, "what is a place like centerville going to have to offer?"  but i kept my opinion to myself.  

i was SOOOOOOOO wrong.  you know all the super old, but really cool things you find on pinterest that you only dream of finding in an antique/thrift store near you?  well, they're in this building.  you wouldn't believe the prices either.  the furniture is basically free compared to prices in the DFW area.  take a look at these pieces...

$157

$150

$85

what a FABULOUS idea!

$55 - i'm not kidding

love...

for kimber...

i wanted all 23 camera's on the shelf

had original film and all

can you believe it?  i could post 1,000 pictures of stuff i found, but you get the idea.  you should have heard all the moaning and grunting from krisin and i because we wanted EVERYTHING we saw.  i even bought kimber's little baby boo a present while there ;) i wanted a truck, the boy to load it all up, and a lot more money.  but regardless, we had a great time there.

as we pulled out of the parking lot, i noticed a cemetery just up the street.  before you blame me for being all morbid and stuff, let me explain.  kristin really enjoys going to cemeteries on a occasion and likes to read the names and dates on the tomb stones.  she finds them peaceful and will sometimes make up stories about who the people were and the lives they lived.  she's very creative like that.  so we went!  this particular place was really old, dating back to 1819.  here's a few shots i snapped while there.

the sky was very fitting for the location
she's wearing lace and toms.  my kinda girl.

we were admiring a name...i think.

a little on the eerie side?

so, that's that for tuesday.  a great day to just be girlie and be sister's and do whatever we wanted.

goodness i love my sister.  i'm blessed to get to be in her life.

+++

trips away from my "normal" tend to teach/show me a lot about...me.  i try things i've never tried before.  do things i've never done before.  and learn things i wouldn't take time for.  

let's go back to starbucks and i'll tell you a little story:

monday when kristin was working, i went to starbucks to get some work done. and i had 7 hours.

it was the most comfortable place in richmond that offered wifi and i knew the steady stream of coffee would be beneficial.  so, for the next 7 hours, i would hang out there.  

the moment i walked in to the place i noticed #cutestarbucksdude.  i sat down to work and kept an eye on him.  (yes he knows he's in this post, and he's ok with it)

i may or may not have been pretending to have music playing in my headphones so i could hear what he said to others. haha.  

in my efforts to find a power outlet, the table next to him just happened to open up, and low and behold a power outlet!  it was a God send.

i may or may not have sprinted to the table.  

and i may or may not have slightly embarrassed myself in the process.  

any.way, 6 hours later, i have a new friend.  we'll call him Starbucks Paul.  in my effort to get work done, i talked, and listened, instead of working (he talked too, don't worry).  he is an entrepreneur, is self employed (managing several business'), and a college graduate.  he loves the Lord, and loves his family very much.  he works hard, was very polite and is really funny. i was very impressed.  

now i'm sure you're asking yourself, "how could she possibly think she knows this much about a person in such a short amount of time?!"  well he's either the best con artist i've ever encountered or completely genuine.  trust me, i asked all the right questions.  

i'm also very sure you're asking why i have taken so much time to tell you about Starbucks Paul.  

well, i'll tell you.

because i find it very interesting the people God walks into my life.  when on the road, in a different state, in a very little city, at the most random starbucks.  being self employed, it was great to talk with someone who understood the process, had been doing it longer than i have, has been successful, saw the greater good in ditching the 9-5, believed in our generation to make a difference in the world, and with out knowing it, offered so much encouragement.  i mean, loads of encouragement without even knowing it.

encouragement i so desperately needed. 

and that's why i took the time to tell you about Starbucks Paul.  he's an encourager.  and that's worth honoring.

so, thank you Starbucks Paul.  you left a lasting impression on this girl.

he has no idea i took this picture.  ;)

have a very happy thanksgiving.  gobble gobble!

peace and love.

richmond for lunch

so i'm hangin' out with the little sister and her in-law family for thanksgiving this year.  a change in scenery for me, so it's been a little weird.  but everyone has been SO nice to me, and welcomed me with open arms.  today, i spent the afternoon alone while everyone worked.  like a goober, i forgot my "real camera," and settled for a few iphone shots.  i'll elaborate more later on the trip, but for now, here are some shots.

an old fashion suit company.  by appointment only.

just the side of a building.  great texture.

i wish the iphone picture did it's beauty justice

another cool church

love it.

i liked the color contrast on all the pieces. classic photo spot 

a place where no one knows your name for lunch.

inside.  so quaint.

GO HERE!  it's delish!

peace and love.

a long time comin' or for Kristin

hi. ya. its been a long time. i have to move on though, before i forget...

remember THIS post and the bath...mmmkay. well, tonight the house was perfectly still, i'm the only adult home and the ache in my hands and arms is pretty awful, so i decide to take a bath.

tonight, the water is hotter than normal (don't worry it doesn't get weird). as mentioned in the fore-mentioned post, i gently step into the water. and it was like the Lord instantaneously started speaking. here's the gist...

i've taken a slight detour in my road of life. i'm not where He told me to go and to be, and in a lot of ways i'm reaping the consequences of that. curious to know? here's a few:

-relationships (boys and close friends - x2)

-health

-creativity

-sound mind (this is a whole other chapter, trust me, its bad)

-finances

like i said, a few. back to what He said. He warned me that the steps back into the waters were more cautious on my part, not His. that the water isn't hotter (let that sink in...). He also said that the things He's promised me are so close. if i'll just stick close by, and hold His hand they would start to come to fruition.

i had dinner with a dear friend and mentor this week. and she listened to all my complaints and ho-hums. we laughed at how ridiculous this circumstance was and i yelled about how mad i was - at me. and then she said something like this - however far i've drifted from His plan, the journey back didn't have to take as long.

pretty good, huh? think about it. let it sink in.

lets say i had been drifting for 45 years away from the Lord. in a matter of seconds, i can be right back where He intended me to be.....

i read this quote on my twitter feed today: "It's not repentance that causes the Father's love, but rather the reverse."

i'm still in love with my first Love.

sorry if the whole bath thing is weird. it's where He spoke, i simply listened. i hope it made sense.