"You're not meeting our standards..."

recently...ok, let's be real - may 7th, around 1:45 PM, i was fired.  GASP!  i know.  the reason: "you're not meeting our standards."  i was in shock.  i sat there, letting anger rise within me, thinking i have:
    - out worked
    - out served
    - out sweated
    - bled
    - cried
    - stayed up 'till all hours of the night just to get the job done

and you're letting ME go?!?!?  i really thought all of it was a joke. and when i realized it wasn't, i choked back tears,  ran from the building and have been throwing myself a HUGE pity-party ever since.

fast forward to july 5.  after an afternoon with my bosom buddy & dear friend, and an evening of prophetic ministry in our home, the Lord has begun i've allowed the Lord to begin working in me, show me a new direction, and i've opened my ears to His voice. sometimes you me we just need to hear ourselves talk out loud to realize how ridiculous we've allowed ourselves to become and for change to begin.  thank the Lord for july 5.

all that to say, remember my title? well today's whisper came in just the same wording but about my spiritual life.  while i believe and put my faith in Him, my way of living for Him and the standard to as to which i hold my life to, is not up to the standard He's called me to live.  and there's no pity party to be had here, i just have quite a bit  of work to do.

i desire to live His plan for me, not anyone else's idea of what that means or even my own.

so i'm getting to work. and good news THE PITY PARTY IS O-V-E-R!

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also, this message by Charlotte Gambill is fantastic.  it's a simple truth that we all need reminding of.  i took quite a bit away from it.  however, the statement that brought the most conviction and caused my eyes to open was this one,
"don't be so busy you don't have time to be who God has called you to be."<---------- guilty="" p="">
http://www.milestonechurch.com/media/message-archive/series/62/

dealing

(i wrote this on an airplane.  last october.  i found it in my e-mail today and decided to share)


amongst all the change in my life , i am also learning to deal  differently. to not run to people every time i have a situation or am feeling slightly emotional. deal - whats going on in my brain and how i respond. 

today i got to the airport a little early, so i thought i'd just chill.  as soon as i got there, i noticed that there were hundreds people in every line, everywhere i turned. i couldnt escape the yelling, the kids screaming, the intercom voices, the newlyweds snuggling with their lady-and-the-tramp pillows, conversation after jumbled conversation.  and after being confined to a 4 x3 space for 4 days, my irritation level was maxed. the claustrophobic in me had all it could handle.  and there was no where to go.  

i will be honest and tell you that i was having a panic attack. 

i didnt want to call anyone. there was no one there to talk to. this was a test. a test of, "who do i turn to." 
who would be the first one i turned to
what had i really learned the last two weeks
[and then i saw larry king live himself, and had to snap a picture ;)  squirrel!]
i knew in my heart the only One who could help me in this situation. i called on Him.  i started talking to Him. telling Him i didnt know why i was freaking out, but i wanted to control it, but obviously i couldnt do it alone.  i felt guilty for being in this place. for evening thinking of people i could call and talk to about this.... 
and then i opened Jesus Calling to today's devotion, and there was my answer. written randomly for today. 

there's intimacy in my failures. 

think about it. 

there's intimacy in your failures.  they force me to commune with Him

so He picked me up and we had a sweet moment together. reminding me i'm not to fight this alone. and in this time, and every time, He is all i need. 

He is all i need. 

and at the end of the day, whatever super-extreme- circumstance i think is going on, when i turn to Him immediately, the situation loses value and is less extreme. there's no room for making it something bigger than it is. 

He is bigger than "it" is every time. 

bam. 

repentance is freedom